you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
