The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
