That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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