You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
