covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
