FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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