now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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