I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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