Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
