end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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