I want to stick my p in your. b.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
