I'm sorry my penis didn't work
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize