So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I can't put those talents on a resume
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
