I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
