I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We need a shit load of segways right now
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
