His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize