dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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