for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
