Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
