I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
