Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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