I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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