Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
