I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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