i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
