Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
