My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
