New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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