I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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