what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize