my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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