I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
