My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
