my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
