So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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