Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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