You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
