i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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