i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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