Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
