so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
