Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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