How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
