If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
