It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
