I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
