You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she peed on how many people?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize