the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
