If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
