I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize