I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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