i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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