opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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