i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
