I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize