Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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