Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
