did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
