How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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