dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
wakey wakey hands off snakey
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize