i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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