should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
