I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
