So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
