Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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