it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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