yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize