She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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