i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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