i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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