You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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