VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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