Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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