Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
