What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I believe in your delicious
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