What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
