just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
