she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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