are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize