I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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