There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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