Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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