party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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