i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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