Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
