I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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