yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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