his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
