whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
