I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
