Only a mothe r could love this liver
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
