he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
