I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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