We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
