New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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