Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize