btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
