You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
