Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
